It’s not it strength…..It’s survival!

You are so strong I don’t know how you do it’ 

‘I couldn’t do what you do’

‘How do you keep going’

If I had £1 for every time I have heard one of these phrases I wouldn’t be sat here surrounded by odd socks that are looking for their soul mates! 

Each and every time one of these phrases is said it’s said out of love, out of a sense of caring. But how are you actually supposed to respond to them? What are you actually supposed to say in return? Thanks? I know I’m super human, my cape is in the wash? 😂

It’s not strength…..it’s survival. It’s not having another choice, it’s some days literally taking one hour at a time and just being thankful that when my head finally hits the pillow at night I have kept us safe and alive for another day. 

When I became a Mummy never in my wildest dreams did I think I would also be taking on the role of 24 hour carer, nurse, pharmacist, advocate, researcher and so many more things. 

The cold hard reality of that ‘strength’ is that I have no choice but to keep going. Waking up and deciding I’m not doing this any more isn’t an option. No matter how tired, how broken, how completely done with this situation I am….I have to keep going and I have to keep telling myself it will get better. 

It’s not strength….it’s survival, it’s not a sprint….it’s a marathon, slow and steady, keep your eyes fixed ahead and don’t allow yourself to think of all those hills up ahead. So you see whilst I absolutely appreciate when people take the time to acknowledge the ‘job’ I am doing, it kind of makes me feel like a bit of a fraud. Inside I’m not strong, I am beaten and I am broken by everything life has thrown at me in the last 6 years. When you tell me I am strong and I respond by telling you I’m not, that’s not me being modest or shy. That’s me momentarily dropping that guard that I have put up and letting you in on the truth. 

It’s not strength…..it’s simply survival 

Advertisements

What is a friend?

5774B894-5B0B-44CA-AB2C-7228B4DD507FI’ve been thinking about this one for a while. What does it mean to be a friend? Does it mean different things for different people? Do we adjust the type of friend we are depending on who it is relating to? Is there ever really a ‘one size fits all’ friendship? 

I can honestly say as I have got older my circle of friends has got smaller, not less important, just smaller. Some of the people I thought would be in my life forever are no longer around. Whether that be through circumstance, distance or just cause we now don’t have the things in common that we once did. 

Lots of my friends are mummy’s who have little ones with additional needs. They are the very mummy’s I get my strength from. The mummy’s I can shout with, cry with and laugh with and they totally ‘get it’ When they say they understand…they really mean it. They understand nights out don’t happen, they get that coffee dates will be cut short by medical emergencies, by unsettled kids, by total exhaustion…..they get it. 

Then there are my crazies….the girls who allow me to be just me as well as Mummy. The girls who love me for me. My crazy, silly, dippy ways. The girls who encourage me, who ‘egg me on’ these are the girls who I can share anything with, who know everything about me. Who will never judge my decisions and who I know without a shadow of a doubt will be there to celebrate successes as quickly as they will be there to mop my tears. These are my ‘3am girls’ my 24/7 friends and there will never be any words to explain how much their friendship means to me. 

When I’ve been thinking about my friends and the type of friend I am I have realised that whilst I am blessed with the best friends in the world, there are also a few who I seem to have a ‘one sided’ friendship with. You know the ones where you are suddenly so aware that it is you making all the effort and if you stopped then more than likely so would that friendship. Is that even a friendship?  These are the ones that make me question everything, make me question all that I am. Is it me? Am I boring? Am I not the friend I thought I was? Or is it not me at all? Is it in fact them and totally out of my control?

There are a few who I can’t ‘fit’ into any of those categories. But do they have to? Do they have to fit in a box? Into a category? Could they say the same about me? 

What I do believe though is that as long as we know we are trying our very best to be the very best friend we can be that’s what matters. It’s not the flashy, not the big gestures, it’s being there. It’s being there at 3am, the support regardless of opinion, it’s being you! Just being yourself….after all that is exactly why you are friends in the first place . 

Who am I?

I guess I should probably introduce myself and why you will probably never actually see ‘behind’ the Nuggets and Noodles. I have poured my thoughts onto paper for longer than I can remember but why do I choose to stay hidden? Well it’s simple, not cause I’m embarrassed or ashamed but because inevitably at some point someone is bound to take offence to something I have said or not said….or might have said and to be honest….I don’t have time for that kinda drama! 😝 

 I am a wife and a mummy to the most adorable little boy who has complex special needs. Oh and I’m also Mummy to the craziest dog with an attitude that would give a teenager a run for their money. I appear to lurch from one chaotic disaster to another in my life and whilst I like to think I’m clever I have absolutely no common sense…..basically I am a recipe for disaster! So in a very brief nutshell that is me…..that is us. 

Sit back and enjoy the crazy as I finally make all these crazy ramblings of mine public 😘